Vengeance

Dodgers pitcher Hiroki Kuroda was seen flirting with a no-hitter for several hours on Sunday as Los Angeles took on the Houston Astros. It started in the first inning, when Kuroda struck out two of three and saw the No-Hitter sitting in a box seat by the home dugout. He gave her a tip of his cap, and a little wink. Things got a little more intimate during the third inning, after getting a couple groundouts, when he went over and bought the No-Hitter a drink. They chatted it up for a few minutes while his team built a decent 4-0 advantage over Houston.

As the game entered the 5th inning, and he was still getting play from the No-Hitter, his teammates began to get quiet around him. "Well, you just don't want to talk to a guy who is getting that close to a No-Hitter," said catcher Russell Martin. "We all know how hard it is to get with her, and trust me we have all tried. I've seen so many guys think they are on the doorstep of scoring with her, and then bam, you get knocked around. But, he was quite a gentleman to her, I really thought he was going to have a shot at taking her home after the 9th inning."

But while he made a valiant attempt to score the lady who is known around the league as one of the toughest catches, some major drama unfolded late in the game. After Kuroda took the No-Hitter into the 7th inning, on a nice dinner date, her husband burst onto the field and was enraged to find Kuroda after his wife. Complete Game, husband of no-hitter for the past few decades, was furious at his wife for even considering stepping out on him and dragged her out of the stadium. Needless to say, the Astros proceded to unload on the shocked Kuroda for an 8-5 win.

Despite the fact that Complete Game has been romantically linked to several players this season including Brandon Webb, and several encounters with Roy Halladay, he was still upset at his wife. "No one goes behind my back and after my woman," said Complete Game in an interview with Bob Costas. "And if they try that, my buddies Bat Around The Order and Blown Save are going to rough them up. You saw what we've they've to Eric Gagne recently, and that's just because I heard he once thought about going after my lady."

But in talking to No-Hitter, it's unknown what the future holds for her and Hiroki. "I might like to hang out with him again, he's cute," she said. "I don't know if I'll go all the way with him, as he can't really get strikeouts consistently. But maybe we can flirt again for a few innings. We'll see how it goes. Next time, I'll make sure my husband is out of town with another pitcher."

SportsComedian.com

The NFL has announced that no new information had been obtained from former New England Patriots video assistant Matt Walsh following his interview with Roger Goodell over the weekend. The most scandalous part of the tapes shown before Goodell's news conference talking about the findings had nothing to do with stealing signals, it was several minutes of close-ups of San Diego Chargers cheerleaders performing during a 2002 game.

While the NFL says they have no more leads on where to investigate the Patriots alleged taping of the St. Louis Rams pre-Super Bowl walkthrough, they will be amping up an in-depth investigation of the cheerleaders. "Wow, just wow..." said Goodell. "I had no idea this kind of dancing was taking place on the sidelines of NFL games. I have spent many hours, alone, reviewing this footage and I must say that I am appalled...and having trouble holding anything in my right hand. If you catch my drift fellas..." He then took a sip from a brandy snifter. "God damn, that's good. Makes a man feel warm inside."

As he lit up a cigar and took a long puff he continued, "Look, the American people have been clamoring for a public investigation into the evidence on these tapes. I say we've shown them enough boring hand signals called into the sidelines by middle aged men. I say we need to have an investigation into these girls. Where do they shower after games, what scent of body wash do they use, and what exactly does it look like during this shower? Eh? Am I right fellas?" The male members of the press in attendance gave a few hoots and hollers, while 2 of the few female journalists walked out of the room. "There are just so many unanswered questions about this whole thing. "Do they lather each other or just rub themselves alone? I am shocked at all this, and just want to get to the bottom of it like the rest of you. I vow that I will not rest until we are watching these Charger girls bathing on national television, so we can make sure they aren't hiding anything anywhere on their bodies."

SportsComedian.com

Gregg Popovich has outlined a new gameplan he says will help the San Antonio Spurs take the lead in their series with the Hornets as it heads back to New Orleans tonight. That innovative gameplan is to actually try on the road, something no team has really done during the second round so far. He came up with the plan after many sleepless nights of studying classic basketball strategy books and reviewing game footage.

It's unknown how this will play out in the game tonight, but other coaches around the league are skeptical. "He wants to actually give 100% on the road?" said Celtics head coach Doc Rivers. "This is basketball we're playing here, not crazyball. If he wants to embarass himself and his team by trying something like that, go ahead. We're not going to look silly on TV by actually trying and then losing a game to a lesser team without any excuses. We're going to claim the home crowd fires us up and makes us play on another level, and let Lebron do whatever he wants in Cleveland in the meantime. We're going to ride that excuse all the way into the Finals, the way it should be."

SportsComedian.com